Crackfic  A Tale of Two Duelist
by Gambit Taylor
Summary: A slight parody of a parody if you will written by two bored and broke YGOTAS fans, hope you enjoy an insight into the lives of two Kats who have none.


Crackfic, a Tale of Two Duelists

Chapter One

Smiley: Hello people of fanfiction! And welcome to my first crackfic!

Gambit Taylor: Hey there chaps and lasses worldwide, let me start off by being completely honest…Smiley has kidnapped me and is now forcing me to write…to type…this thing, I haven't the slightest idea where I am or what I'm doing…

Smiley: Shut up! (looks back at people) That would be my "friend" Gambit, who is on this lovely site but hasn't written jack shit…

Gambit: (clears throat) Eh hem…I was busy.

Smiley: Oh really then. (gives pointed look) Have you got any ideas for a story Ms. Taylor?

Gambit: Wait just a tick…how do you know my name?

Smiley: (sweat drops) I've known you for four years. (shakes head and looks back at people) Anyway, awhile back ago Gambit introduced me to this little internet show called Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series. So I thought 'What the heck' I'm going to write a random crackfic with the help of…

Gambit: Me! Oh, pick me, pick me…I can help. (jumps up and down with hand raised)

Smiley: (blinks slowly) Ooookkkkaaaayyyyy….You're hired?

Gambit: Great, when do I start…oh, and I'm going to need Saturday off Miss Boss Lady Man…is that ok?

Smiley: Sure… Knock yourself out, but anyway, for those of you who have no idea what we're talking about, then go freaking watch it! It's awesome! (Breathes deeply from outburst) Now, lets begin Gambit.

(Loud banging in back ground)

Gambit: Alright, just give me the magic word.

Smiley: What the hell are you on about?

Gambit: Sorry…sword, I meant magic sword…you know…so I can open the door where all the characters are locked up.

Smiley: Just use the damn key next to the fucking door!

Gambit: Fine! But my way would have been much more…er…magical?

Smiley: (slaps palm to forehead) Just do it. (Gambit heads to door grumbling) And to those who have been reading Jordan the DX Girl, chapter eleven is on its way. I swear and I love you all for reading….

Gambit: (hand on door knob) Smiley, before I open the door will you just tell me one little thing?

Smiley: Sure, what is it?

Gambit: Who the bloody hell are you talking to?

Smiley: The readers.

Gambit: The Readers…what, are they like the MI5 or something…are they going to arrest me for that thing…you know…in Vegas?

Smiley: One, no they are not the MI5. Two, no they will not arrest you. Three, what the hell happened in Vegas?

(More loud banging in background)

Gambit: Oh, well you remember the last time we let Yami out?

Smiley: Gambit, what did you do?

Gambit: We figured, you know…he's the King of Card Games…and I'm the Cleverest Con with a deck of cards…well we figured we would have a bit of fun in Los Vega, and well…we did. To make a lengthy story short…neither of us are allowed back in the States and me and him might be…how would you say…married.

Smiley: (jaw drops and stops herself from asking) You know, I'm not going to ask. Just let them out.

(More pounding)

Gambit: Alright, here goes…something…(flings open door)

(Cast comes crashing out all over the floor and are tripping and fall all over each other, all with the exception of Yami who has somehow exited the room without falling…he walks slowly to the side and continues to watch the others.)

Gambit and Smiley: ROLL CALL!

Yami: Hi there…the names Yugi Moto…

Yugi: No you're not! I am!

Yami: Oh alright, I'm Pharaoh At….

Smiley: NO SPOILERS!

Yami: What is it with all you people, this is no way to treat royalty… AS I WAS SAYING… the name is Pharaoh…Yami? But you can all just call me Pharaoh. Or your highness…either way, I really don't care.

Seto: That's enough out of you, "Pharaoh". I'm the one they're all here to see. As you already know I'm Seto Kaiba, I'm the owner of Kaiba Corp. and I won't take any of this Pharaoh nonsense…

Marik: What the frig is going on? My midriff demands an answer!

Bakura: Marik…this isn't a Yaoi…they don't care, and neither do I know that I think about it. We are only here for one reason, we need the Pharaohs Leather Shoes, or have you already forgotten?

Smiley: There will be no stealing in this!

Gambit: (lowers head and walks over to Seto with a frown) Here…(hands Seto a nicked Blue-Eyes White Dragon)

Seto: Whatever. (rips Blue-Eyes in half and throws the remains behind him)

Smiley: What the fuck? Why, just why? (cast gives look of surprise) What?

Joey: What happened to the sensors?

Seto: Don't worry about the sensors, I bought out all of the 4-Kids buildings and gave them to that GX show. I think they are using it as a school now.

Smiley: First off, we will NOT say those two letters again. And second, this isn't run by 4-Kids its run by me….

Gambit: I'm the brains behind this…you're just the er…public connection…

Smiley: (glares) I came up with this crazy mess so just shut…

Yami: Silence slave…don't talk to my wife like that!

Smiley: I am not you're slave old man!

Yami: Let's see how you look after 5,000 years. My hairs still spiked, my pants are still tight and I'm sexy…

Marik: I still have no idea what's going on!

Joey: Nyeh, me neither.

Seto: Shut up Wheeler!

Tea: WHOA! Hold on! (points accusingly at Yami) You're married! To her! (points at Gambit)

Smiley: Who invited her? (Turns to a bored Gambit) Quick, get the flamethrower!

Gambit: You mean the one I used on that Cullen guy?

Smiley: Yes, quick!

Yami: Wait just an Egyptian minute, I have an easier way to handle this…MINDCRUSH! (Mutters to himself) I've wanted to do that for years…

Smiley: I think everyone wanted it to happen for years.

Tristen: What's going on, I saw the door was open and figured you might need my Voice's help.

Smiley: Okay everybody, calm down. I have brought you all here because of extreme boredom… and watching way too much of YGOTAS. So, I decided to write a completely random story with the help of my friend Gambit Taylor. . .

Seto: And what am I getting out this?

Smiley: (smirking) A break from all the crazy fangirl Yaoi fics involving you and Joey.

Joey: Not a furry…

Smiley: Anyhow, boredom plus mass amounts of caffeine equals this.

Bakura: And what exactly is 'this'?

Yugi: Foreplay?

Smiley: NO YAOI!

(sounds of chairs shuffling and angry fangirls leaving)

Everyone: GET OVER IT!

Smiley: The point is I had an idea that I would write this story for pure randomness and humor. Gambit and I will most likely keep the characters against their will for stupid ideas that cross our minds while you, the lovely readers…

Gambit: (pointing out to "people") Actually Smiley, that guy over there isn't so "lovely", actually…he kind of looks like George Lucas.

Smiley: (glares) Not the point, the point is that you all reading can review, ask questions, send suggestions, or anything that comes to mind. But I do have some rules that MUST BE FOLLOWED! One, no flamers. This is a stupid random thing with no point to it and if you don't like it to bad. Two, this is NON YAOI! Meaning, none of those shippings, while we might make fun of it for our own amusement. Three, no glomping!

Characters(except Seto): THANK YOU!

Seto: Finally.

Smiley: Gambit, do you have anything to add?

Gambit: (shrugs) I don't know.

Smiley: Okay, let's finish introducing everyone. Seto and Yami already made themselves known, now who wants to go next?

Yugi: I'm the real Yugi Muto and I have a question. (points to Smiley and Gambit) Who are you two?

Gambit: Well…we're…uh…Smiley who are we?

Smiley: (smacks palm to forehead) I'm known as Smiley1994, writer of popular WWE fanfic "Jordan the DX Girl", and you're just Gambit Taylor aka Gambit.

Gambit: Just Gambit? Hardly. You forget I'm a writer too…a real one. For those of you out there who don't know me, I write original pieces in poetry and in book form, my pieces are not here on Fanfic because they….well they aren't fanfictions…

Smiley: Screw you, Gambit, I write my own original stuff too! I just find more fun to twist around someone else's work for my own kicks.

Gambit: Fine then…if any of you out there care, previews of my work can be seen at .com!

Smiley: Whatever. (looks back at Yugi) Does that answer your question?

Yugi: I guess…

Smiley: Good! We can continue!

Marik: I am Marik Sebastian Ishtar III and I warn you all now that I will send my army of Steves after you….

Smiley: (turns away while he continues rambling) Next.

Gambit: Steves? Really...that has to be the least threatening name ever.

Marik: SILENCE!

Bakura: Marik, just be quiet, no one here cares about your Steves…or you as a matter of fact. I'm Bakura and that's really all I care to say.

Smiley: That fact is you actually said care is a scary concept.

Joey: I'm Joey Wheeler. (points to himself importantly)

Tristen: And I'm Tristen Taylor.

Smiley: (points to Tea who is on the ground mind crushed) That's Tea, but no one cares about her and if she gets better we're getting out the flamethrower.

Voice in background: CARD GAMES ON MOTERCYCELS NO JISTU!

(Everyone looks around surprised)

Mokuba: What was that, Seto?

Seto: Shut up Mokuba.

Smiley: (looks around pissed) Damn it, Naruto! I said you can come later!

Naruto: (still hidden) IT IS LATER!

Gambit: Just go away!

Naruto: FINE, I NEED A CIGERATTE ANYWAYS! (leaves, maybe, still can't see him)

Smiley: (sighs) On that note, I'll most likely have other random Abridged characters pop out of nowhere.

Gambit: Like Vegeta?

Smiley: (points to sky dramatically) Exactly!

Yugi: I thought this was based around our show?

Smiley: It is, but some abridged characters are just too awesome to ignore.

Yami: Like me.

Gambit: And me…

Smiley: Gambit, you're not an abridged character.

Gambit: Oh…

Smiley: Anyway, Yami, to most, yeah you are. To me, well, you're not my favorite character in the show.

Yami: SWEET JUMPING SARCOPHAGUS!

Yugi: Well, who is your favorite character?

(Smiley looks at characters before going up to her two favorites with her elbows on their shoulders)

Everyone (but the two with Smiley): WHAT?

Yami: You can't have two favorites, that's just ridiculous. (points at Marik and Bakura)

Smiley: Ha, well then… ask Gambit.

Yami: So…

Gambit: Well, Pharaoh, it's you.

Yugi: Hey, that means you have two favorites too? Me and Pharaoh are by definition the same person.

Smiley: So if I want my favorite characters to be Marik and Bakura then they can be.

Joey and Tristan: What about us?

Yami: What about you.

Joey: Nyeh, the only reason Gambit likes Yami so much is because they're married and stuff.

Kaiba: Wheeler has a point…

Marik: What's does that make you? (points to Gambit?)

Bakura: Let's see…(pulls out a book on Ancient Egyptian History)…that would make her either a Queen or a Pharaoh…let's find out. Gambit?

Gambit: What?

Bakura: Who wears the pants in your relationship?

(from the background Leather Pants is heard)

Gambit: We both do?

Yami: I think we're both rather fond of wearing trousers.

Bakura: Well then, that means you both are Pharaoh.

Smiley: That's typical Gambit for you.

Bakura: Are you planning on removing yourself from me soon?

Smiley: (shakes head) Nope!


End file.
